This is the Half-Jewish Network message board. Please feel free to leave a comment, suggestion, idea or question. We see and respond to all messages that are left on this page.
Here is some information about our email Half-Jewish Network Newsletter and our Message Board that will make it easier to use them:
1. SUBSCRIBING TO FREE MONTHLY EMAIL NEWSLETTER:
If you want to stay in touch with us, please sign up to receive our monthly email newsletter, using the “Email Subscription” box in the upper right hand corner of this web page.
The email newsletter will contain information about our activities, links to information about half-Jewish books and films, access to various media articles on half-Jewish people, and much more.
All you have to do is enter your email address in the box and then respond to an email from our website that will confirm your subscription.
2. SUBSCRIBING TO THE FREE MESSAGE BOARD:
If you would also like a second subscription to see any replies that people make to your message or to see messages from other half-Jewish people who post in the future, just post a comment on “About/Message Board” below.
You then will see a check box under your comment asking “Notify me of follow-up comments via email.” Just check that box.
By doing this, you can socialize with, support and advise other half-Jewish people from all over the world as they contact our group.
Now here are some guidelines about posting on the message board –
3. MESSAGE BOARD GUIDELINES:
Adult children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren and other descendants of intermarriage — we ask you to show courtesy and respect for other commenters’ multiple viewpoints and lifestyles.
People who are not half-Jewish — members of interfaith couples who are born Jews, Christians and members of other faith-based cultures, outreach professionals, researchers, media, writers, journalists, reporters and people selling commercial products — please do not post on our message board.
Instead, please go to our “About/Contact/Leaders” page and connect with us through the email address listed there.
People who are not half-Jewish are also welcome to subscribe to our monthly email newsletter.
Be aware that comments may be held for moderation sometimes. If your comment goes to moderation, it should be approved in 24 hours.
We will remove any postings that violate our guidelines. Thank you for respecting our guidelines! It is much appreciated!
Dear Friends: Our first message — how did you find our website? Cordially, Robin
Are there trips to Israel for young persons that have a Jewish parent but raised Christian??? Thank You.
Dear Elmer: Welcome to the Half-Jewish Network!
If you have switched over to Judaism from Christianity and have some type of membership in a Jewish organization, you may be eligible for a Birthright Israel trip. But they will only take you if you can prove that you have switched over to Judaism.
With regard to trips to Israel for Christian-identified half-Jewish young people, I would suggest you do a Google search using the words: “Christian youth trips to Israel” and see what pops up. When I did it, here is one link I found:
http://www.randalldsmith.com/my_weblog/2009/06/christian-youth-experiences-israelchristian-travel-study-programs-ltd-announces-the-beginning-of-a-new-series-of-adventure.html
I don’t know if those trips are free or not. But it looked like that search brought up a lot of different trips through different Christian groups.
Whether you go on a Jewish trip or a Christian trip, be sure to read the Half-jewish Network essays on Israel at:
http://halfjewishnetwork.wordpress.com/israel/ and
http://halfjewishnetwork.wordpress.com/israelamf/
Also, be sure and sign up for our posts through an email subscription or an RSS feed, and we will keep you up to date on the latest news.
In addition, if you send me a private email, I will send you an information email with a lot of material that is not on this website. I can be reached at: binarystar [at] aol [dot] com
Please let us know if you find any free or low-cost Christian trips to Israel for young people and then we can list them as a resource.
Cordially,
Robin
Hello everyone! My name is Rebecca, and I am the daughter of a Lutheran mother and a Jewish father. I traveled to Israel for the first time on the Aish Jerusalem Fellowships trip…and certainly can provide a unique perspective on what was taught during that trip regarding half-Jews and intermarriage as a whole. I decided to give Israel another chance and studied abroad at Tel Aviv University, which I loved. If anyone has any questions, or just wants to talk about the unique challenges which we face, please post back and I would love to chat
Dear Rebecca:
Welcome to the Half-Jewish Network! be sure and sign up for our posts through an email subscription or an RSS feed, and we will keep you up to date on the latest news.
In addition, if you send me a private email, I will send you an information email with a lot of material that is not on this website. I can be reached at: binarystar [at] aol [dot] com
Cordially,
Robin
Dear Friends: Here is a truly annoying article about an Israeli Orthodox organization that fights intermarriage. Their latest activity is trying to prevent Israeli Jewish women from socializing with Israeli Arab men whom they meet at the beach:
http://www.ynetnews.com/articles/0,7340,L-4096350,00.html
Cordially,
Robin
My grandmother who brought me up was a ashkenazi jew, i only found this out recently but i makes so many things clear like some of the things she used to do etc.
My mother was christened a protestant in Germany when she was born, my Grandmothers jewishness was never spoken about. What i would like to know is am i considered jewish as i understand it is passed down the maternal side of the family. I would love to learn as much a possible about the jewish faith and lifestyle and follow it if possible in honour of my grandmother who had to hide her heritage! Can anyone help me and answer my question and point me into a direction as to were to start!
Dear Alexandra: Welcome to the Half-Jewish Network! It is an immensely emotional thing to discover a part of your family’s heritage later in life. I will send you a private email packet with some information responding to your questions.
With regard as to whether you are are considered Jewish, have a look at the essay on this website, “Who Is A Jew.” With regard to resources on Judaism, have a look at our “Jewish Resources” page.
With regard to living as a Jew — before you decide to live as a Jew, I would suggest that you learn about Judaism, but also visit Jewish communities and see if you would be comfortable socializing and worshiping with them. Sometimes when people find a lost part of their heritage, there is a strong emotional pull to affiliate with that “half” of themselves, but they have not yet learned enough about that :”half” to know if they would be comfortable in that community.
I will send you more information by private email.
Cordially,
Robin
I recently stumbled upon your site. After 40 something years of life I recently came across my Jewish lineage on my biological Fathers side. I have enjoyed discovering all the history on that side of my Family and I’m proud to be half Jewish. I appreciate your efforts on this site and enjoy reading the information in the different sections. Thank You!
Dear Lobwedge83: Welcome to the Half-Jewish Network! We are very pleased that you like our website and congratulations on discovering information about your father’s Jewish heritage. We are sending you a private email with more information that is not on our website.
Cordially,
Robin
Hey, I just found your website. My father was jewish, my mother catholic, I practice neither. I’d be interested in any information you can provide about patralineal half-jews. Also, why in Israel do politics fall so far to the right, when in America my jewish family and most celebrity jews seem center left to left wing? Am I just seriously misinformed about the politics regarding jews here?
Dear Benjamin: Welcome to the Half-Jewish Network! I have sent you two emails. One is our free email info packet, that has a lot of information about patrilineal Jews. I also recommend that you review our essays on this website, “Who Is A Jew?” and “Israel.”
The second email contains an essay I have been working on about why Israel is so much further to the right than the American Jewish community. Your perceptions are correct, and I hope the two informational email packets will answer your questions.
Also, don’t forget to subscribe to our email newsletter. There is a subscription form, entitled “Email subscription,” on the upper right hand corner of this web page. That way you can stay in touch with us.
Cordially,
Robin
Hi All,
I have planned a trip to Israel in October of this year. I thought that I had worked out dates to avoid major holidays but it turned out that I was not very good. I will be in Jerusalem for Yom Kippur. From what I have read the city shuts down for the day. When I first realised this I was disappointed as I saw it as a wasted day of my holiday. However, upon reflection I think that this will not be such a bad thing. I am not religious at all and was not brought up practicing Judaism so I would not feel comfortable attending services. But I wondered if there might be opportunities to help at a shelter or other charity working with vulnerable people who might not be with their families on such an important day for Jewish people. I am a social worker in real life so I realise the kind of checks that are normally needed for someone to work with vulnerable people and that I might have left things too late … but I thought that I would ask if anyone had any suggestions or contacts.
Also, while I am in Israel I wondered if there are any places to visit of particular interest to half Jewish people like me that you know of.
I should say that I live in the UK.
Thanks.
I am a Muslim girl in a relationship with a Jewish guy, I was wondering if there were any people who could share some advice and experience?
I would love to hear from someone in a similar situation, how did your families accept it? I should also mention we are also both living in the heart of the middle east..
Dear Victoria: L’shanah tovah (a happy Jewish New Year!) I am sending you a private reply with information addressing your inquiry about charities that you could work with during your visit to israel and also about places to visit that might be of interest to half-Jewish people.
Cordially,
Robin
Dear Liora: L’shanah tovah (a happy Jewish New Year!) I also understand that the Islamic festival, the Eid al-Adha, is coming up on Monday, November 7, so accept our best wishes for that day.
Regarding your inquiry about getting advice from other Jewish-Muslim couples on this website — this website is used primarily by adult children and grandchildren of intermarriage.
We are always happy to advise interfaith couples, but if you need to talk with other interfaith couples, you will need to also visit websites where interfaith couples post and visit.
I will write you privately and make some suggestions as to websites that you might visit to locate other interfaith couples.
Cordially,
Robin
Dear Friends: Our first “blog post/email newsletter” has been posted on our “About/HJN Page” — be sure to have a look at it!
Cordially,
Robin
Dear Friends, I only discovered in my late teans that my father was Jewish, my grandfather was the only person in our family who ever spoke of it.. Our family was also German, another well kept secret, they emmigrated to the UK before WW2. I always feel as if there is this precious hidden part that is longing to re-connect somehow, thank you so much for your site. I grew up in the UK and now live in Canada. kindest regards Linda.
Dear Duality,
Sorry I don’t think you can send me a private message because I posted as an anonymous user.
I know this site is more for the half-jewish audience, but that’s exactly why I joined. Our children will be half jewish, and I wanted to know how life for half jewish children is, and what kind of problems we might need to think of before starting our family. We will raise them fully knowing both of our religious backgrounds. But I know that can sometimes be hard to live with, although it is also one of the best gifts a child could be given to be raised with such love. Speaking from experience I was raised in a half christian half muslim home, you grow up with an open heart, I think thats one of the reasons I was brave enough to start a relationship with my jewish boyfriend, in addition to him being an amazing person.
Oh, thank you for your wishes,
L’shanah tovah
I guess the name of this Web site is a settled issue, but one might have also pondered aloud using terms like Semi-Semite, Isreal-Lite, Half-brew, Less-saic, etc.
Maybe we can still talk about a symbol. If you want rainbow colors, fine – but how about using them to paint a Star of David missing its bottom half?
Dear Linda:
Linda: Thank you for sharing your story! Other half-Jewish people visiting this website are always really happy to see the stories of other half-Jewish people and know that they are not alone in their concerns.
Cordially,
Robin
Dear Liora:
Liora: I think you did eventually send me an email with an address — did you receive an information packet from me? If not, please contact me again, and I will be happy to resend it.
If you are curious about how half-Jewish children think and feel as adults and their childhood issues, then you have definitely come to the right website, and you will read many comments and opinions from them as the website grows and develops.
As someone who grew up in an interfaith family, you have a head start on our issues that most intermarried couples do not have.
Many blessings on you and your husband for a happy family and children.
Cordially,
Robin
Dear Ron F:
If I understand your message correctly, you are wondering why the Half-Jewish Network was given this particular name when it was founded in 2005.
You may want to have a look at this explanation from our “About/FAQ” (Frequently Asked Questions) section:
“2. Why was the organization named “The Half-Jewish Network”?
When we first started thinking about a name for our group, we realized that we would have to come up with a term that the adult children of intermarriage would recognize immediately, wherever they saw it.
It would have to be a term that the adult children of intermarriage and other descendants frequently used about themselves and regarded favorably. It would also have to be a term that internet search engines could locate easily. “Half-Jewish” was the term that best met these criteria. It was the term that half-Jewish people appeared to use most frequently.”
There is additional information about why we chose this name located at:
http://half-jewish.net/frequently-asked-questions-faq/
See my next comment below responding to your inquiry as to why didn’t we choose a more light-hearted, humorous name for the group.
Cordially,
Robin
Dear Ron F:
Now with regard to your inquiry as to why we didn’t pick a more humorous name like “Semi-Semites” and a logo showing half of a Star of David — well, I co-led and co-founded the first attempt to start a U.S.-based international organization for half-Jewish people in the middle 1980s, and we did just as you suggested.
We had a humorous name — “Pareveh: The Alliance for Adult Children of Jewish-Gentile Intermarriage” — foods that are “pareveh” or “parve” in Orthodox Jewish law are foods that can be eaten with either meat or milk products, which we thought reflected the situation of half-Jewish people symbolically. We thought that was very amusing and would lighten up the discussion.
We also had a logo that was a half of a Star of David.
Well, we learned the hard way that humor didn’t work. First, Jewish groups were offended by the use of a food term. Intermarriage is a serious subject for them. They were not too happy with the half of the star of David either.
Second, many Jewish groups didn’t “get” the name at all — we started getting mail from Jewish Orthodox kosher food and cooking groups. Christian groups totally didn’t get the name.
Third, most half-Jewish people are not raised as Jews but as Christians, secular, or “both” because the Jewish community has been so reluctant to reach out to interfaith families — so they had no clue what “pareveh” or the joke behind it meant. It made it much harder for half-Jewish people to find us.
Fourth, a lot of half-Jewish people didn’t think their issues were that funny. It’s a serious subject to them.
Fifth, a lot of the Christian, secular and “other” half-Jewish people weren’t too happy with a term which implied that only the Jewish ‘half’ of their identity counted.
Sixth, a lot of other organizations, Jewish and Christian — few Muslim groups at that time had interfaith Jewish/Muslim couples or descendants of Jewish/Muslim intermarriages — anyway, few Jewish and Christian groups took an organization with a ‘joke’ name seriously. It totally detracted from our credibility.
So you can see why we didn’t go down that path a second time. I will go ahead and include this information in our “FAQ.”
Cordially,
Robin
Dear Ron F: I have added my response to your questions about the group’s name to our “About/FAQ” page, as it is likely that others will have the same questions. Thank you for helping us to improve this website!
Cordially,
Robin
Hi,
I want to convert to Judaism. I have been wanting to do that for a few years now. However, my kids do not want to convert. We are not religious but I was raised celebrating Christmas and visiting churches. I “tried to be catholic” but it alway felt really wrong. Like a big lie.
So, can I convert while my kids stay Christian and we will celebrate Christmas for the tradition not for the religion?
BTW, I am single so “what my husband” thinks is not an issue.
Dear Hanna: You can convert to Judaism, even if your kids do not want to convert.
Now, some rabbis insist that if the mother converts, the children must do so also, but there are rabbis who don’t insist on that.
I would suggest that you check out the liberal synagogues in your area — Reform, Reconstructionist, Renewal or Humanistic — and see how you feel about their practices. Once you have found a synagogue that you like, make an appointment with the rabbi or cantor who is running it, and get his or her advice.
You may also want to have a look at the “Jewish Resources” web page on this website, which has two rabbis who can advise on long-distance conversions.
If none of these options work out, please contact me directly at:
binarystar [at} aol.com
and we will think of something else.
Also, don’t forget to sign up for our newsletter using the “Email subscription” box in the upper right-hand corner of this web page.
Cordially,
Robin
Hello everyone. I’m very pleased to be able to write here. I’m a patrilineal Jew from Latin America. After a long period of thought, I’ve decided to convert through a Masorti community. I have a very strong desire to live my life as a Jewish person, and raise my children Jewish. However, I still find sometimes strange the word “conversion” since I’ve always felt Jewish, I visited Israel with Birthright, I’ve celebrated all the Jewish holidays with my family and feel very attached to our culture, but when it comes to marry a Jew or raise my children in a Jewish framework, I’m still not considered Jewish by the community, and so would be my children. I would appreciete to contact other half Jews who converted, to share our unique experiencies.
Kind regards,
Carolina
I was active on this site a long time ago, and recently had contact with Robin. I came back here to see how things were going!
My situation is very complex; I was raised an Orthodox Jew, in an Orthodox community, by a born-Jewish father and a mother who though raised Italian Roman Catholic (before Vatican II), chose to convert to Orthodox Judaism…a few years later, she met and married my father (this was in the late 1940s; I was born in the late 1950s).
Because most of my father’s family was dead by the time I was born, I consequently was closer to my mother’s family. They were very unassimilated Italian Catholics, very traditional religiously, and very upset about the changes that took place in their church in the late 1960s. I used to over hear snippets of their conversations, and began watching old Catholic movies to learn more (or so I thought!), like The Bells of St Mary’s, Going My Way…I adored the nuns in their long habits, and how serene they looked! They looked that way when they walked through our working-class neighborhood too, on their way to Catholic houses.
Judaism never felt fulfilling to me; it felt like a religion of laws and not much else. I remember associating it with death, because it seems so much revolved around sitting shiva, funerals, and lighting yahrzeit candles. When I was in my late teens, I went on a trek to find the lost church my Mom’s famly told me about. I discovered Traditional Latin Masses being said in motel rooms, because the mainstream church had kicked it to the curb, so to speak. Traditional Catholics were holding fast to their faith in spiritual catacombs, if you will. I joined them, but it was more as a way to identify and feel close to my Mom’s family.
Years passed; I went back to Judaism when my father was very ill; it was my way of identifying again, with a parent, in the hopes it would make him feel better. But I was miserable, and unhappy. I CRAVED contemplative, prayerful spirituality, which I’d only found in the traditional Catholic church.
To make a long story short, I returned to the Traditional Catholic Faith earlier this year, and have never been happier. Except that this time, I REALLY DO BELIEVE. I don’t identify as Jewish anymore, and probably never will again. I was turned off by a lot within Judaism, not only the lack of true spirituality, but also, their obsession with ethnicity and bloodlines. I wanted to escape that too….I believe that Jesus Christ died for my sins, and for the restoration of all of fallen Creation, both human and animal. I believe He is above all racial, ethnic and blood barriers and ties; in fact Galatians 3:28 says, “There is neither Jew nor Greek, bond nor free, male nor female; for you are ALL ONE in Christ Jesus”. That passage more than any other made me see the difference between Judaism and Christianity. The New Testament also says that Christ has “broken down the middle wall of partition between us”; this is a reference to the walls that existed in the Bais haMikdash, the Temple, separating Kohanim from other Jewish men, and Jewish men from Jewish women, and all Jews from the Gentiles who also worshipped the One God there.
I am so indescribably happy. I am at peace. And I thank God for all He has done for me. I sometimes think my mixed background caused all this lifelong searching, and it probably did. But I think in many ways I am so much richer for it, because I have learned so very much.
Dear Carolina and Chana/Annette:
Thank you for leaving such detailed accounts of your rich life experiences as half-Jewish people. I hope other people seeing these messages will respond.
Very cordially,
Robin
Hello, I just stumbled on this website today and was happy, for the first time, to see life stories of people like me.
My father comes from a purely Jewish background. He even has a few notable Jewish scholars in his ancestry. My mother is Italian/Sicilian and was raised Catholic. Some time around the time she met my dad she became disillusioned with Catholicism and converted to Judaism.
I was raised Jewish though compared to most Jews I’ve met, it was a fairly secular environment. Other than going to temple for the high holidays for a few years while I was young, we basically celebrated only Passover “lite” and Chanukah in our house. We never went to synagogue regularly though my parents did make my brother and me go to Sunday school so we could have our bar/bat mitzvahs but once that was done we never had to go again, and didn’t. In addition, my parents were very close to my mother’s parents so we happily celebrated the major Christian holidays with them. There was a lot of resentment with my dad’s family as they did not did not care for my mother (apparently because she wasn’t a born Jew) so we didn’t see them much and my memories of holidays with them are slim to none.
As an adult I practiced no religion at all but married a Jewish man (though I thought I never would). He considers himself to be Jewish but really is non-practicing (but he grew up in NJ in a fairly Jewish area while I was the only Jewish kid in school). About 10 years ago I realized that I just couldn’t continue to consider myself Jewish as I felt aboslutely no connection to the religion and thought I would be a hypocrite if I pretended to practice it just for my children. I explored liberal Protestantism and also Unitarian Universalism. Currently I think that my beliefs fit into the UU category but have not been to services in a while. I think that I am half-Jewish. I recognize and respect my Jewish ancestry but also respect my Italian ones as well and really feel no connection to the Jewish religion. It’s just all kind of confusing because technically I am Jewish because my mother converted but I really don’t think I was raised very Jewish and I enjoy celebrating the Christian holidays.
Anyway, thanks for this website. I can’t wait to check it out some more.
Dear Rachel: Thank you for sharing your story. You are not alone. Sadly, many of us were distanced from one or both sets of grandparents due to resentment over intermarriage, and often given a “Judaism lite” or a “diet Christianity” that didn’t really give us any depth in either faith-based culture..
We are glad that you are enjoying the website! Cordially, Robin
Hi! My name is Jesse and my story is similar to that of Rachel. I am 22 years old. My Father is Irish/English and of a Christian background, and my mother Russian Jew & Hungarian Jew. I am often confused for being hispanic, italian, or arabic though this is due to my dominant features from my mother’s side. I attended Synagogue until the age of five and was distanced due to relocation from the area and my parents irreligious nature, as my Grandmother was the main influence in my attendance. I consider myself to be Jewish though I have had little to no interaction with the Jewish Community. My sense of Judaism is a basic belief in God, and due to my separation from those of my faith and race, I lack a fundamental understanding of Judaism, not in a book or information sense, but in the sense of something deeper. I wish to somehow network and learn more about these things, as I have a great longing towards doing so. The world is a strange place, and I strongly seek a sense of belonging. I am deeply troubled by events in history as well as currently. I consider myself Jewish due to the sacrifice and persecution of my ancestors, and it is my duty to them to adopt their faith and build a stronger community, dedicating myself to the blossoming of peace and love, to expand upon their religion, life, and struggles that fell together in the act of my creation and arrival here in this odd thing we call life.
Dear Jesse: Welcome to the Half-Jewish Network at the beginning of your spiritual and ethnic journey! We appreciate you sharing your story with other half-Jewish people. You have been sent a copy of our email information packet.
Regarding living as a Jew — the best way to do that is to start visiting Jewish communities in your area and see if any appeal to you. If you are interested in studying Judaism, please have a look at our “Jewish Resources” page at:
http://half-jewish.net/jewish-resources/
Any Jewish community that you visit will also have Jewish study resources of various kinds.
Regarding identifying as Jewish — examine the Jewish communities that you visit carefully. Read Jewish publications and books online. Ask yourself if you are comfortable with them and if what is said matches your particular ethics and spiritual or secular belief systems. If you are comfortable with Judaism, then explore formally affiliating with Jewish institutions.
If you are not comfortable with Jewish communities and their teachings, consider exploring your other “half.” If you decide to affiliate with another belief system, you can still be of help to the Jewish people in various ways as someone who is concerned about their welfare and happiness.
Cordially,
Robin
Hi All,
I have just noticed that there is a documentary on British TV this evening (Monday 14th November 2011) that might be of interest to us.
It is on BBC3 at 9pm and is called ‘Mixed up in the Middle East’. The documentary follows a half – Jewish / half Arab women as she visits the Middle East for the first time.
It is repeated on 15th Nov at 01:05 am and 16th Nov 04:00 am. Programs are usually available to be viewed on the BBC website http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/ for about a week after they have screened for those who miss it or are not in the UK.
Dear Victoria: Thank you for mentioning this! That is very thoughtful.
Cordially,
Robin
Robin,
What happened to the actual message board with separate topics? This comments thread is less conducive to discussion.
Thanks,
Steve
Dear Steve: Our old message board on the old Half-Jewish Network website was paid for by me, as was the rest of the old website. The total fees for the website, including the message board, cost me over $200 (U.S.) per year.
I switched the website to WordPress to get a less expensive, more modern and flexible website with a nicer appearance. The new WordPress website is free except for the yearly domain name payment of about $9 per year. That is a lot less money than $200 per year.
However, WordPress does not provide free message boards. I have been looking for free message board software to link to this website, but it would not be WordPress software. That raises a number of technical problems that I hope to resolve eventually.
In the meantime, WordPress provides a way to send everyone a free monthly email newsletter, a capability that I did not have on the old website. As soon as I have resolved the technical problems involved in attaching a new message board to this website, you would be informed through our monthly email newsletter.
If you sign up in the “Email Subscription” for the free monthly email newsletter, you will hear from us regularly. Each issue of the newsletter will link back to this website with room for comments on the content of the newsletter.
Also be sure to subscribe to this “Message Board” comments thread by posting a comment and then checking a box under your comment asking “Notify me of follow-up comments via email.” You will then be notified of every new comment on this message board.
Cordially,
Robin
Rachel, I would LOVE to be able to correspond with you! Our backgrounds are almost identical, to a tee, except for the unitarian thing.
Hi Chana, I sent you an email that has my email address in it. Did you get it? Looking forward to chatting.
Hi I have a Jewish Dad and a Christian Mother due to me borne in Germany during the Nazi Regime I have been christened at my birth but feel more Jewish than a Christian most likely from the treatment I received due to my Jewish Name growing up in Nazi Germany.
I wrote my autobiography;
maybe interesting to people with Jewish or partly Jewish heritage.
With a message to all people considering entering in to intermarriage,
“No matter how much in love you are! Go ahead it is your right and choice so live with it and enjoy your love and life.
But before being selfish by thinking to bring innocent children in this World think about the burden you inflict up on them, with the possibility for them of not being accepted by either site of religion or race, therefore outsiders for ever during there entire life, ask your self the question;
are you being fair?
http://www.lostlostandlostagain.com or http://www.ernestgoldberg.com
Hi Rachel, Yes I did, I’m sorry I didn’t get back to you yet! Life offline is very hectic for me right now, hang on and I WILL reply!
Dear Ernest: Thank you for sharing your online autobiography. Sounds like you went through a very bad time during the Holocaust. I’m glad you survived. It is a credit to your personal strength.
Cordially,
Robin
Dear Ernest: One more thing — I have sent you two emails with more information about the Half-Jewish Network, plus some information that might be of interest to you personally. I hope that you got the emails.
Cordially,
Robin
I would to thank this website for existing! I have just uncovered my Jewish roots through my Mother and a father who pretty much abandon his being part of Judaism when he was young. Can someone tell me if there is a support group for people who have just discovered their heritage and would like to obtain knowlegde about Judaism? I want my daughter to have a story to tell.
Reading your article I have stumbled upon answers for most questions that have been bugging me for long time now. Its troublesome to find coherent articles on the internet as plenty of those texts are written by someone with ignorant of the topic. Your publication is different and definitively worth recommending. I’ll return for more in some time.
Great to see the new site! My name is Hunter and I’m currently studying Arabic in Egypt. My father is Ashkenazi Jewish and my mother is Norwegian-German (raised Lutheran); in the past (including a few census forms) I’ve referred to myself as Hebrew Viking. Both my parents have fairly ambivalent feelings towards their own religious backgrounds, so I was never Bar Mitzvah’ed or taken to church, but I’ve always felt a strong connection with my Jewish heritage in an ethnic if not religious sense (truthfully, I lean towards atheism).
I figured I’d made my peace with being neither fully Jew nor fully non-Jew, but a few recent occurrences in my life brought the internal debate up again. Amusingly, one of them is studying Arabic in the Arab world. We never learned Hebrew beyond a few basic prayers and expressions, but I’m constantly struck by cognates, customs, and even mannerisms that remind me of my Jewish side. For one thing, the New Year here is “Ras es’Sana,” literally “head of the year” but with a profound resemblance to a certain Jewish holiday. “Day” is “Yom.” “Dog” is “Kelev” in Hebrew and “Kelb” in Arabic. My own Hebrew name, “Ze’ev,” is “Ze’eb”–”Wolf.” You see the hamsa, which the Jews call the Hand of Miriam and the Muslims the Eye of Fatima, everywhere. There’s a drama to interactions here that reminds me a lot of my Dad’s family. Arabic doesn’t differentiate between the act of liking something and the act of loving it–and how Jewish does that sound? It strikes me here how much of the Middle East really remains in Jewish culture. I’m frequently asked if I’m Lebanese or Turkish.
Secondly, I recently got married to a wonderful woman of German-Irish background. I always assumed I would never have children, so the issue of what sort of exposure to Judaism to give them never came up. Turns out she wants kids. I would love to do what my family did for my sister and I–light the chanukkiah and celebrate seder, but also open presents on the 25th and put up a (originally pagan) tree. That said, I don’t want to leave any future children we have feeling as I have through much of my life–wanting a Jewish connection, feeling rebuffed by many Jews’ feelings on intermarriage, and coming to hate the fact of my Jewish ancestry.
Whew! Sorry for the length of that!
Hi, I was just wondering if there were any other half-Jewish children of the now defunct communist party hiding in the woodwork. I was raised by militant athiests who believe that “religion is the opium of the people” but am increasingly coming to the opinion that Marx was a false prophet.
P.S. Does anybody else feel a deep sickness in the pit of their stomach at the widespread demonization of Israel that is currently being indulged in by the Left?
P.P.S. My grandfather’s name was Israel and he was born in a small village in Poland which no longer exists.
Dear Sandra:
Please excuse the delay in replying to your messages — this is a volunteer website, so when outside work is heavy, replies are sometimes delayed.
Sandra asked: Can someone tell me if there is a support group for people who have just discovered their heritage and would like to obtain knowlegde about Judaism? I want my daughter to have a story to tell.”
Robin replies: Sandra, I don’t know of any such support groups. If you are trying to trace family history, I would suggest contacting Jewish genealogical online websites as they may have information.
You may also want to visit DNA family websites, which allow you send DNA samples and then alert you when someone with similar DNA joins them.
Cordially,
Robin
Dear Nilistusa:
Nilistusa said: “Reading your article I have stumbled upon answers for most questions that have been bugging me for long time now. . . . Your publication is different and definitively worth recommending. I’ll return for more in some time.”
Robin replies: Glad you enjoy our website! Don’t forget to sign up for this comment thread and our email newsletter!
Cordially,
Robin
Hunter said: “Great to see the new site! My name is Hunter and I’m currently studying Arabic in Egypt. My father is Ashkenazi Jewish and my mother is Norwegian-German (raised Lutheran); in the past (including a few census forms) I’ve referred to myself as Hebrew Viking.”
Robin replies: Hunter, welcome back! Again, don’t forget to sign up for our email newsletter, as well as this comment thread.
Dear Taboo:
Taboo asked: “Hi, I was just wondering if there were any other half-Jewish children of the now defunct communist party hiding in the woodwork. I was raised by militant athiests who believe that “religion is the opium of the people” but am increasingly coming to the opinion that Marx was a false prophet.
P.S. Does anybody else feel a deep sickness in the pit of their stomach at the widespread demonization of Israel that is currently being indulged in by the Left?
P.P.S. My grandfather’s name was Israel and he was born in a small village in Poland which no longer exists.”
Robin replies: I don’t know if we have any other half-Jewish children of the now defunct Communist part, but we certainly have some members whose parents were socialists and leftists of other types.
My two Jewish great-grandfathers were both born in Poland and left in the 1890s. I don’t know if their villages still exist. So much of the history has been lost.
Regarding Israel — you may want to have a look at the “Israel” essay on this website here:
http://half-jewish.net/israel/
where we document in great detail the very poor treatment of half-Jewish people by the state of Israel.
I would urge you to read it, as it is meticulous, and the information is taken mostly directly from Israeli Jewish newspapers I read, ranging from left-wing to right-wing. The essay is periodically updated as I get more information.
I don’t think what is going on is “demonization” of Israel — I think, sadly, that for many years the Jewish community allowed no criticism of Israel at all, and now criticisms finally cannot be silenced any longer.
Cordially,
Robin
Hello Robin I have visited and posted the old site many times in the past and this is a new posting on your new site. Your very last comment about how the Jewish community has allowed no criticism of Israel and cannot be silenced any longer is spot on!!! This criticism is long overdue!
Anyway, I found a couple of interesting reads about half Jews that definitly shows we half Jews are being heard. Let me know what you guys think about the article. http://www.jewcy.com/religion-and-beliefs/why_many_jewish_outreach_workers_ignore_halfjewish_people
http://www.jewishpost.com/archives/news/meet-the-half-jews.html
Dear Ryan: I am glad that you enjoy our new website. It is always good to welcome visitors from our old website!
Thank you for posting links to the two articles on half-Jewish people. I feel that the more that is written about us advocating for our point of view, the better off we will be.
Cordially,
Robin
Dear Ryan: I am glad that you found my comment about Israel of interest. Israel’s behavior towards half-Jewish people is truly tragic, and I am hoping that if criticisms of this behavior are made, Israel will reconsider this behavior.
Cordially,
Robin
Hi Robin. The new website looks very nice. I wanted to let you know about a book I co-authored (“self-published” direct to Kindle) on Jewish ethics: The Path and Wisdom for Living at Peace with Others: A Modern Commentary on Talmud Tractates Derek Eretz Zuta and Rabbah, which is based on Rabbi Arthur Segal’s online course and compiled & edited by me. I’m very happy about it. One can borrow the book either for free or about a dollar fifty if an Amazon Prime member, and I believe it can be shared with anyone. Also, I was excited to learn there is a conference this spring about descendants of intermarriage (finally?) – I noticed HJN is listed as a group that will speak. Very cool. Would love to hear about what happens.
Taboo asked : “P.S. Does anybody else feel a deep sickness in the pit of their stomach at the widespread demonization of Israel that is currently being indulged in by the Left?”
Yes, Taboo, I feel the same way !
I’m a “Half-Jew” working in France as a psychologist (with Holocaust survivors and their offspring, also with “Half-Jews”, and with immigrant families from all over the world) and I teach in a university that has both a deeply-rooted Marxist tradition and a large body of Muslim students from foreign countries or born in France of immigrant parents.
I have regularly been a witness to blatantly antisemitic slurs painted on classroom walls mixed in with antisionist slogans (for example : “Death to the jews and to Israel”, “Jew = Nazi”), many Jews I know (mostly secular and Left-wing) have become estranged from non-Jewish friends because merely supporting the existence of Israel amounts to being a fascist, Muslim youth (often living in poverty and themselves victims of discrimination on the part of mainstream society) generally make no distinction whatsoever between antisionism and antisemitism and openly express antisemitic thoughts based on their hatred of Israel (fed by satellite TV channels in arabic).
As a direct result of this antisemitic-antisionistic propaganda supported by both the extreme Left and Islamic fundamentalists, in 2006, in Paris, a 23-year old man (Ilan Halimi) was set up and kidnapped by a group of kids and young adults (ages ranging from 16 to 28), tortured for three weeks, set on fire and abandoned in a ditch on the sole ground that he was Jewish. He died from his wounds in an ambulance on the way to a hospital.
Ten years ago, a friend of mine who is a secular patrilineal Half-Jew, and also a high-level biology researcher and staunch critic of Israeli politics, decided, as an experiment, to wear a yarmulke to a very large antiracist demonstration organized in Paris after the leader of the extreme right came in second in the first round of the presidential election. My friend was physically attacked twice during the demonstration by young people yelling antisemitic and anti-Israel slogans.
I myself have witnessed the burning of Israeli flags along with the yelling of “death to the Jews” during demonstrations in Paris protesting Israeli politics in which the Left and fundamentalist Muslims were seen marching together, while booming sound systems blared “Allah wakbar” (Allah is great).
This has been the reality here in France since the second intifada in 2000.
Scary, sickening and unjustifiable.
Dear Catherine:
There is an imbalance — half-Jewish people are always being invited to sympathize with Israel and defend Israel — but Israel continues to discriminate against us in laws and public policies.
Unfortunately, all the anti-Semitism in the world, distressing though it is, does not justify how badly Israel treats half-Jewish people or entitle Israel to our automatic uncritical support. The discrimination against us in Israel is getting worse rather than better.
It is hard to support a country where patrilineal half-Jewish people are referred to as “psuley hitun” — forbidden to marry.
I invite anyone reading this message board to examine the long and carefully documented essay I have compiled on Israel’s poor treatment of half-Jewish people. It is updated regularly:
http://half-jewish.net/israel/
I am not surprised that anti-Semitism is on the rise in France and worldwide.
I believe Israeli policies in many areas have fueled anti-Semitism, harming Jewish communities like your community in France. Israel needs to change some of its policies, which have a very bad impact on Diaspora Jews and descendants of intermarriage.
Sincerely,
Robin
Dear Sarah Davies:
Please excuse the delay in replying — things have been very busy here. I will contact you about your book, so that I can post your description of it and a link to it on our “Jewish Resources” page.
Thank you for your kind words about the new Half-Jewish Network website!
Cordially,
Robin
Dear Robin,
Blaming Israeli politics for the rise of antisemitism in my country (France) and around the world strikes me as a little to simple, unfortunately. Israeli politics certainly add fuel to the fire, but the fire is there and needs to be recognized as such.
Regarding the treatment of Half-Jews by Israeli institutions, I am well aware of the discrimination patrilineal Half-Jews are up against and have no intention of minimizing or justifying it in any way. However, as I’ve written to you in a private email, at least for many French patrilineal Half-Jews I’ve met and interviewed, moving to Israel can be a life affirming and even therapeutic experience. Regardless of politics and despite institutional discrimination. I’m referring primarily to Half-Jews who want to identify as Jewish and are having trouble doing so in their current environment (for lack of support on the part of family members and friends, or because there are no Jewish organizations or congregations in the area they live in, and so on). I think the reason this is so is that despite all its faults, Israel is the only Jewish country in the world today, and for people who have not had much access to Jewishness or Judaism, it is the only place where everyday life is collectively and constantly informed by Judaism (take the calendar for example). Of course, there are many vibrant Jewish communities with much to offer in the Diaspora, and hopefully they will continue to thrive, but Israel nonetheless stands apart in this regard.
As a therapist, my focus is on helping people find ways of living their lives as fully and as happily as possible given their circumstances. I understand that as an activist, you’re focus is on consciousness-raising and promoting broader change which I deeply commend. We’re looking at this from different perspectives.
Thanks for the work you put into building and monitoring this website.
Best,
Catherine
PS : my research on the topic is currently written up in French but I will give a paper in English in July and will be happy to share it with you once I manage to get it written…
My names Oscar, my moms from Israel, my dads Black. I consider myself full Jewish though because that is my religion, and thats what I believe in.
Dear Catherine and Oscar:
Catherine: I look forward to seeing your research paper in July. I’d like to read it if you would send me a copy!
Thank you for your kind words about the work I have done on this website.
Oscar: Welcome to the Half-Jewish Network! A number of our members are biracial or multiracial and identify as Jews. I am sending you more information about us by email.
Cordially,
Robin
Dear Catherine,
I am also living in France and have been quite shocked at the unconditional support for the Palestinians on behalf of the university educated left-leaning lapsed catholic population. If I mention that Hamas deliberately targets civilians, encourages the use of child suicide bombers and brutally silences any form of internal opposition or sympathy towards Israel, then I basically get yelled at and told I am an evil nazi fascist who is spouting out Israeli propaganda. The situation is not nearly so bad in Australia where I was born. Most people in Australia will admit to being disturbed by the situation and are reluctant to “take sides” from a feeling that they don’t really understand what is going on.
Dear Robin,
I have recently done some reading on the “status quo” in Israel. It seems to me that the decision to give the Orthodox Jews authority over “births, deaths and marriages” was a political calculation with the deliberate intention of keeping them out of mainstream politics, which is more or less dominated by secular Zionists. This seems to me a fairly laudable solution to Israel’s own “fundamentalists” problem. I personally would not want religious extremists in the government, nor would I be comfortable with a communist-style “outlawing” of certain forms of religious expression – despite the fact that I have many problems with orthodox stances on women, gays, etc…
Dear Taboo: I don’t know what sources told you that handing over Jewish status decisions to the ultra-Orthodox was ‘laudable.’
It has been a disaster for Israel. Far from keeping the Orthodox out of politics, it has given their religious voter parties a stranglehold on coalition politics in the Knesset, where they have steadily eroded the rights of other Jews — especially half-Jewish people like us.
Here is an article about a patrilineal who has given up and left Israel because of her poor treatment on status issues:
http://www.jewishjournal.com/rabbijohnrosovesblog/item/jessica_fishmans_sad_story_and_the_threat_to_israels_civil_society_20120210/
The article also discusses how the Orthodox religious parties in the Israeli government are trying to widen their control of other Israeli citizens.
Is this what the rest of us want for ourselves in a supposedly Jewish state? Is this a democracy? What about the human rights of half-Jewish people?
I strongly suggest that you read the Israeli Jewish newspapers online and see what the Israelis think of their theocracy. Here’s a sample:
http://www.haaretz.com/print-edition/opinion/gideon-levy-let-s-face-the-facts-israel-is-a-semi-theocracy-1.2438
I also urge everyone that before posting on Israel, please read:
http://half-jewish.net/israel/
an essay I wrote which explains the Israeli political system, how the Orthodox political parties gained power, and how half-Jewish people have ended up as second-class citizens in Israel. It is composed of information that I have obtained from Israeli Jewish newspapers and organizations.
Finally, I don’t know how many people you have spoken to in Israel on behalf of half-Jewish people — but I have spent the last five years begging and pleading and rebuking on our behalf with various Israeli Jewish scholars and government folks.
Consider writing yourself to Israeli scholars, rabbis and government officials on behalf of the half-Jewish people of Israel and the Diaspora each time you see an action against half-Jewish people. Suggest to them that treating us badly is harmful. Much of the time you won’t even get a reply. And the replies that you do get, you will wish you had never received them — they are sometimes very unpleasant.
Sincerely,
Robin
Dear Taboo:
One more thing regarding your concerns: “Dear Catherine,
I am also living in France and have been quite shocked at the unconditional support for the Palestinians on behalf of the university educated left-leaning lapsed catholic population. If I mention that Hamas, etc..”
————————————————————————————
Taboo: I have noticed that whenever I criticize the Israeli government’s poor treatment of half-Jewish people, people sometimes bring up the Palestinian factions fighting the Israelis.
The underlying message seems to be: “Yes, Robin, the Israelis don’t treat half-Jewish people very well, but look at how badly Hamas behaves to Israeli Jews with two Jewish parents! Let’s change the subject to the Palestinian-Israeli conflict — that’s much more comfortable! It’s too painful discussing how badly the Israeli Jewish government and some Israeli Jews treat us half-Jewish people!”
This message board is not here to discuss the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. There are lots of other message boards for that. This message board is strictly for half-Jewish issues. I will have to remove postings that stray off onto issues that are not directly related to half-Jewish issues.
Second — there are between 20,000 and 30,000 Israeli Jews married to Palestinian Arabs — and many of them have children who are half-Jewish and half-Arab. I am concerned about their happiness and welfare because as half-Jewish people, they are our brothers and sisters.
The Israeli government and various ultra-Orthodox religious organizations are engaged in efforts to prevent and break-up their parents’ intermarriages. I was contacted by an Israeli social worker for help on the issue. He’s trying to publicize this discrimination against these intermarriages in hopes of stopping it.
The Knesset recently held a day of discussion about how ‘bad’ these intermarriages are. Can you imagine the uproar if the Australian parliament had a day devoted to how ‘bad’ Jewish-Christian intermarriages are and how to prevent them, because the children might grow up to be Australian Jews instead of Australian Christians?
So when you talk about the Palestinians, please keep in mind there are a lot of half-Palestinian, half-Jewish children who need our support and advocacy. The Half-Jewish Network is one of the few groups speaking out on their behalf.
We could not advocate for these children and their parents, if we adopted the Israeli government hasbara (spin, propaganda) that “Palestinians = bad” and “Jews = good.”
Sincerely,
Robin Margolis
Dear Robin,
I assume that as a patrilineal half-jew myself I am entitled to my opinion that there are far more pressing concerns for the jewish people, and for the world at large, than the Israeli Orthodoxy making a nuisance of themselves with respect to marriage laws. I respect the fact that you disagree with me.
As far as the halacha is concerned, matrilinearity does not have its foundations in the Torah, but rather in a specific historical-political crisis, namely the destruction of the second temple by the Romans. In my opinion, the holocoaust, and the re-establishment of the State of Israel are a historical-political crisis of similar magnitude and a valid case can be made for offering “full Jewishness” to anybody with partial Jewish ancestory, or indeed anybody who has showed consistant loyalty to the Jewish people through this trying period. I am more than willing to argue this point with any talmudically trained Orthodox rabbi who is willing to spare me the time of day.
Dear Taboo:
Actually, I would suggest that there is nothing more important for the Jewish people than how they treat half-Jewish people.
People — and nations — are judged by how they treat their families.
Sincerely,
Robin
Dear Taboo:
I certainly agree with you that “a valid case can be made for offering “full Jewishness” to anybody with partial Jewish ancestory … I am more than willing to argue this point with any talmudically trained Orthodox rabbi who is willing to spare me the time of day.”
If you are signed up for the Half-Jewish Network email newsletter, you will see links to articles sometimes where I urge our group members to post comments objecting to certain articles attacking us.
I’d welcome the help.
And it is not just Orthodox rabbis — articles attacking half-Jewish people are posted by Knesset members, Israeli Jewish scholars, non-Orthodox rabbis, and people who post “talk-backs” in Israeli newspapers, Diaspora Jewish media, Diaspora Orthodox and some non-Orthodox rabbis, etc.
I try to ask Half-Jewish Network members to reply to only one or two articles at a time for which I supply links in our newsletter.
Again, I’d welcome the help!
Cordially,
Robin
I will help! Be glad to help! In fact I already did, in 23andme.com where I made some very valid points to an Orthodox Jew on a thread for people who share partial DNA (either patrilineal or matrilineal) who was trying to tell me there is no such thing as a half-Jew, another Jew had come to support me with some very valid points on how half-Jewish Jewish father’s important role on a half-Jewish person’s Jewish ethnicity actually does count. Specifically for the Cohens.
Dear Ryan: thank you so much for helping other half-Jewish people on the DNA website, 23andme.com. It is very important that we be visible.
There are many DNA Jews who have contacted this website. That’s why I have set up a page just for them:
http://half-jewish.net/dna-jews/
It is very helpful when other half-Jewish people speak out on our behalf. I hope if you see any articles in the Half-Jewish Network newsletter where I ask for comments on online articles that you will offer your thoughts in their comment sections.
Cordially,
Robin
Dear Robin,
One of the great strengths of the Jewish people is the spirit of lively, passionate debate, so I gladly take you as a valuable havruta partner and continue to vigorously disagree (though you might want to consider adding threads to this message board so that we don’t end up shouting everybody else out).
Firstly, by middle-eastern standards, Israel is not a theocracy. Saudi Arabia is a theocracy. Iran is a theocracy. Were I a true orthodox Jew, I would be weeping and lamenting in unconsolable grief at the adultery and idolatory to be found openly practiced on the streets of Tel Aviv.
Secondly, it is indeed an honourable prophetic calling to cry and bemoan the corruption and hypocricy which has engulfed Israels leaders and princes – a tradition which goes back to Isaiah and Jeremiah. However, I would advise taking a good look at the motivations and backgrounds of those crying “racism” and “human rights abuses” most loudly against Israel in the public media, and ask yourself if you truly want your name associated with these people.
Sincerely,
taboo
Dear Taboo:
Nowhere in your reply do you mention half-Jewish people. This is not an abstract problem. Israel is becoming a theocracy — their Orthodox religious parties speak of this openly in Israeli newspapers as their plan for the future — they are proud of it — they plan to make halacha (Orthodox religious law) the law of the land, as the number of ultra-Orthodox voters grows.
One part of this plan, which will directly impact on half-Jewish people — and the Orthodox religious parties mention this part of their plan repeatedly in the Israeli newspapers — is removing the right of patrilineal Jews to make aliyah and become Israeli citizens. They want a completely matrilineal standard of Jewish citizenship. This repeatedly comes up in the Knesset (Israeli parliament).
I’ve been fighting this for years, writing letters to their newspapers and their officials. All of us need to start fighting this.
I am not interested in supporting an Israel with “middle eastern standards” of governing and behavior. Israel repeatedly claims support in America on the basis of being the “only Western democracy in the MIddle East,” to use their favorite phrase.
If Israel is a “Western democracy,” then let them treat their half-Jewish citizens and the Diaspora half-Jewish people as people with full civil and human rights. Treating us as second-class citizens is not acceptable. All of us need to protest this.
I am proud to be associated with three Israeli Jewish groups fighting for the rights of half-Jewish people, among other causes, and recommend them to you and others:
1. Israel Religious Action Center (IRAC) of the Israel Movement for Progressive Judaism at:
http://www.irac.org/
2. Association for the Rights of Mixed Families (in Israel):
http://www.mixedfamilies.org.il/english/about.php
3. New Family:
http://www.newfamily.org.il/english.asp
For more information about them, also see:
http://half-jewish.net/israelamf/
http://half-jewish.net/israel/
Sincerely,
Robin
I am a 48 year old man who was raised as a Catholic, having grown up in San Francisco, CA, Ottawa, Canada, and the Boston, MA area. When I was in the second grade (40 years ago) my mother died of Hodgkin’s lymphoma. My father continued raising me and my older brother as Catholics, and we received the Catholiic sacraments of baptism, first communion, and confirmation. We almost never missed Mass.. Five years after my mother died, my father remarried a divorced Catholic woman. I accepted my new stepmother as “mom” without question for the rest of my childhood and well into my early adult years.
I met my wife in 1992 when I was 28, and we got married the next year. She grew up as a Methodist. Although neither of us were strongly adherent to our childhood faiths, we had a Catholic wedding. Two years later, our son was born. For a number of years after he was born, we tried different Catholic and Protestant churches. We ended up not attending any regular religious services.
In 2004, I came across my late mother’s journals. I found many pages in her journals where she had written the words “oy” and “oy vey”, usually whenever she was upset about something. I had no idea what these phrases meant, and I typed them into Google, where I learned that they were Jewish expletives.
My mother was born in Canada in 1933 to recently arrived Polish immigrants. She was born in Saskatchewan (my grandfather worked for the Canadian National railroad). They moved to Toronto during WW II, and after graduating from high school, my mother obtained a bachelor’s and law degree from the University of Toronto, graduating in 1959. She then travelled to San Francisco and worked as a legal secretary. She also met my father and they got married (in a civil ceremony in San Francisco city hall) in 1961.
After considering these aspects of my mother’s life, I have been thinking about the possibility that my mother (and her parents) were actually Jewish, and they were.concealing their faith to avoid persecution. If they were Jewish, then it is a good thing that they left Poland before WWII.
Dear Joseph:
I think it is very likely that your mother was a Jew. A number of us are children of “runaways” — either Jews or Christians who secretly gave up their faith-based culture — and had their children raised in ignorance of that parent’s background. My mother opted to conceal the fact that she was a Jew from me. I didn’t find out until after her death, when I was an adult.
You might consider getting DNA testing, which could suggest whether you are carrying ethnic Jewish DNA. If your maternal grandparents and mother were Jews, I am glad that they left Poland before WWII.
I will send you a private email with more information that is not on our website. Welcome to the Half-Jewish Network!
Cordially,
Robin
Coming from a situation where my parents hold differing beliefs. I decided that my son have a bris milah due to his dads background. Since the bris i as a mother have felt such anger and had some nitemares of being smothered. Though my son is very happy.
Dear el:
We have difficulties as adult children and grandchildren of intermarriage — and then the same difficulties occur when we raise children of our own. We make decisions about how to raise our children, and then wonder if the decisions were right.
I am sorry that you are feeling angry and having bad dreams after your son’s bris.
If you continue to experience anger and dreams of suffocation, you may want to consult a counselor or a therapist to see what the dreams mean in your current life. It may be that you need to change course.
Many blessings for Pesach (Passover) and Easter and for clarity about your current emotions.
Cordially,
Robin
It is so nice to hear about people with similar stories. My grandmother and mother were most likely jewish, they lived in Lodz, Poland during the war. The catholic church took them in and hid them. Unfortunately, no one will confirm this, I have no documentation. My grandfather died alone in Lodz, while my mother grandmother and aunt escaped to Germany. I am trying to put pieces together but so much has been destroyed.
I was raised without religion but find myself asking many questions now.
Hello all,
What a great website – I never knew that half-Jews had a unified group, and I’m glad to find that we do.
I am half-Jewish. My father is Jewish and I was raised with Reform Judaism. I had a Bat Mitzvah at age 12 in a Reform synagogue. Some Conservative/Orthodox Jews found out that my mother isn’t Jewish, so they told me that I would need to convert to Judaism in order to be considered Jewish. Doesn’t this seem a little bit ridiculous? The Reform synagogue should have given us a disclaimer that doing the whole religious school, Bat Mitzvah prep, Jewish youth thing would be a waste of time if I ever came into contact with non-Reform groups.
I’m not sure how common this is – has anyone been through a similar situation? If so, how do you go about dealing with it? Honestly, the cards that have been dealt to me in terms of the “Who is a Jew” debate are enough to make me want to abandon it all and declare myself Unitarian.
Hi Allie.
according to Reform Judaism, you are Jewish and if someone asks you (if you are Jewish), the simple answer is yes. I can understand that as a child growing up in the shelter of a synagogue and the traditions you were raised with that it might come as a bit of a shock that there are other denominations that don’t share the Reform view of Jewish identity. But hopefully by then you would be older and strong enough in your sense of spirituality and identity that it wouldn’t matter.
I don’t believe that a Reform synagogue has any more obligation to put some “disclaimer’ on your identity than a pastor of an Episcopal church is obligated to tell his (or her) congregants that some other fundamentalist Christian group might tell them they are not “saved”. Religion is complex. No one needs to be told that.
If you go off to become a ‘Unitarian’ (a Christian demonination) it should be because you embrace their culture and faith not because you feel that the Jewish community is trying to run you off. But it’s your choice.
I too have a Jewish father only. I wasn’t even raised Jewish, but I embrace that side of my identity now ( i.e.. I have a synagogue though I haven’t gone in a while. I go to passover Seders at a friend’s house etc.) If someone wants to know whether I am Jewish, it depends on how close to me they are. For strangers on the street, I just say yes..
robin h.
Robin H. -
I’m so grateful for your reply. Happy Passover to you!
Allie
Dear Allie and Robin H.:
Allie: We are glad that you like our group’s website! Your experiences are very common and one reason why this group exists.
Robin H.: I think your advice to Allie is very good. I’m just going to offer a different perspective.
Allie: You should be advised that Reconstructionist Judaism, Jewish Renewal and Humanistic Judaism also accept you as a Jew. Reconstruction and Humanistic Judaism officially accept patrilineal descent. In Renewal, the decision is left to the individual rabbi.
I would respectfully disagree with Robin H. that it is OK for Reform, Reconstruction, Humanistic Judaism and some segments of Renewal Judaism to conceal or downplay in discussions with their patrilineals the fact that Conservative and Orthodox Jews and, in some instances, the state of Israel, don’t accept them. They are just ducking unpleasant discussions and are afraid of losing half-Jewish members.
Certainly the Orthodox and Conservative Jewish groups make their policies on half-Jewish people very clear to their young half-Jewish adults. It is time that the other groups did the same thing.
I also don’t think it is OK for Reform and Recon to conceal or downplay in discussions with young half-Jewish people that matrilineals and patrilineals raised outside of Judaism are considered “non-Jews” and required to convert in order to join Reform and Recon.
Also, the state of Israel will not accept matrilineals whose Jewish mother or grandmother converted to Christianity or another faith. Humanistic Jews are very accepting; in Renewal, it depends on the rabbi.
I also would respectfully disagree with Robin H. — but the choice is up to each half-Jewish person! — and there are many different views among us about this! — about not telling other Jews about your Christian mother. She is your mom. Other Jews need to get used to it. If other Jews who oppose acceptance of half-Jewish people aren’t aware that there are a lot of us in their shuls and organizations, their views will never change.
I’m not suggesting that you tell every Jewish person the minute you meet them. As Robin H. wisely points out, there are some people who are not on a “need to know” basis, perhaps permanently. But I hope that you will never sit silently in a group of Jews when there are discussions about intermarriage and half-Jewish people. I hope you will speak up for yourself and the rest of us.
Robin H.: In Christianity, my personal experience — your churches must have been different — is that churches are actually very open about how other churches might not accept your baptism or might not accept you for participation unless you have officially joined them.
Allie: If you found a home with the Unitarians or other Christian groups, you would still be welcome here at the Half-Jewish Network. But you’d want to check out the Unitarians or other groups carefully before making a switch — visit their websites and churches — study their literature — before making such a big decision.
I myself have an Episcopalian father and a Jewish mother and was raised Episcopalian. I lived as a Jew as an adult for many years, but I have recently returned to the Episcopal church.
Like you, I was very tired of listening to the “who is a Jew?” stuff. I know matrilineal and patrilineal half-Jewish people who have left Judaism over that issue. It is one valid reason to leave Judaism.
It was one factor in my decision to leave Judaism and return to the Episcopal church of my childhood. But — it wasn’t the only factor. I would not have left Judaism solely over the “who is a Jew” issue — there were a number of other aspects of Judaism that I had grown to disagree with..
A number of positive theological and personal factors drew me back to the Episcopalians. I realized that I was theologically and culturally better suited to Christianity.
And I checked out the Episcopalians very carefully before making the decision to return to Christianity — visited Episcopalian websites, had discussions with members of my Christian family, reviewed the New Testament, etc.
I also made the decision to continue advocating for half-Jewish people within the Jewish community, because the rejection of us by some segments of Judaism and parts of Israeli society are very damaging to all of us, no matter what faith or secular belief system we ultimately adopt.
But these are just my opinions, others may differ.
Cordially,
Robin Margolis
Dear Nancy:
Replying to your posting: “It is so nice to hear about people with similar stories. My grandmother and mother were most likely jewish, they lived in Lodz, Poland during the war. The catholic church took them in and hid them. Unfortunately, no one will confirm this, I have no documentation. My grandfather died alone in Lodz, while my mother grandmother and aunt escaped to Germany. I am trying to put pieces together but so much has been destroyed.
I was raised without religion but find myself asking many questions now.”
Robin replies: Glad our website is helpful to you! Your story is not unusual as you can see from some of the posts on this message board. You are not alone!
Your grandmother and mother were lucky to survive. Had they been put in the Lodz Jewish ghetto, they might well have died. I am glad that the Catholic church hid them. I am sorry that your grandfather died alone.
If you have not consulted them already, the U.S. Holocaust Museum in Washington, DC might be able to help you trace your family’s history. Yad Vashem in Israel also has resources.
You might also consider enlisting the help of a local Catholic church in terms of finding out which church in Poland might have made the decision to help your mother and grandmother. It was an act of kindness and people are usually willing to research something that will make their church look good.
Also, you may wish to consider DNA testing. Sometimes DNA testing will show if you have Jewish ancestry. Some online DNA databases will keep your DNA if you request this and match it against their current and new members, assisting you in finding living relatives.
Regarding being raised without religion — if you are currently having questions, you might consider consulting a rabbi or a priest. Most spiritual groups are happy to answer questions. If you don’t want to meet with someone in person yet, you are welcome to consult them through online websites.
Keep us posted on your search, if you wish!
Cordially,
Robin Margolis
Dear Allie and Robin H.:
Please keep in mind that my opinions are — well — just my opinions. Robin H. is a valued group member and she and I have argued in a friendly way about these issues for years!
Cordially,
Robin Margolis
Robin,
Thank-you for your replies…and..…what a shock to find that you have left Judaism and joined (or re-joined) the Christian faith (Episcopal ). I guess you have been doing some soul searching and may have been struggling all along. What happened to the rabbi training program that you were involved in (if I may ask)?
I do want to say that I don’t understand your comment implying that I would conceal from other Jews the identity of my Christian mother. I would never do that. I simply have never been in a situation (synagogue or other) where anyone asked about my family in that context. I don’t attend round table discussions, and the ‘strangers’ I was referring to (in my post to Allie) who have asked if I was Jewish are people on the street or in the subway handing out leaflets. They want a yes or no answer (I know that from experience…lol..). If I can only say yes or no to someone I’ll never see again and who doesn’t care about me…then I guess it is my call… I think neither would be a lie…. given that situation… I don’t want anyone to think I am Christian. The few Jewish friends that I have (outside my family) all know of my half Jewish status and that the half I choose is Judaism.
I apologize for my comment on the Christian Episcopal church (…I can see now how it struck a chord..), Frankly, I don’t know much about their policies. To be honest I really never had much of a relationship with that church or Christianity. My parents are secular. My older brother and I were not raised religiously but were ‘sent’ to Sunday school (at a neighboring Episcopal church) because it was the socio-cultural thing to do. My experiences w/ the Christian faith (growing up) were mostly inconsequential or awful. Thus, coming to my Jewish side (however late in life) was a bit of a relief. But it DOES take time and I believe strongly in going slow and making friends in the ‘community’ and I don’t feel I need to conceal anything to do that….more later..
Robin H.
PS. Hey Pj, it can be hard to think of the right response in a moment like that. I think one way to disarm such people would be to throw the ball back in their court by saying something like.. ‘what do you want me to do??.. i.e. since I do exist..’.It at least forces them to think.
Dear Robin H: Please pardon the delay in replying to your email. I am dealing with a huge project unconnected with my volunteer work, so I am behind on replying to messages.
I appreciated your reply to my postings. We are just coming from somewhat different backgrounds and perspectives. No need at all to apologize for your comments on the Episcopalians — you experienced them differently than I did.
Explaining why I have returned to the Episcopal Church would take such a long post, I fear it would be taking up way too much of the message board’s time and space. Remember — there are no short stories in Judaism!
You have my personal email address and are welcome to ask me privately about it.
Very cordially,
Robin M.
I understand. actually, after I posted I realized that this information (i.e. going back to the Episcopal church) was already given under “Leaders”. I recognize that these things are personal and need not be spilled for all to read. Thanks again.. robin h.
Dear Robin H.: We have known each other quite a while. If you’d like the information privately, I’d be happy to share it with you.
Cordially,
Robin
My father is a Jew who married a non-Jew. When I was growing up my “ethnic status” was very confusing to me. Back in the 50s and 60s religious and racial intolerance were rather prevalent among the white, christian people I had to coexist with. On the other hand being that Jewishness in a mixed marriage is determined matrilinealy I was never considered Jewish by the Jews I grew up with. As the years have gone by I find that I have put that all aside and just enjoy being me. If you don’t like me because of my Jewish surname or shun me from your social circle because I wasn’t raised by a Jewish mother makes no difference to me now. But I appreciate both of my heritages very much.
Dear Steve: Welcome to the Half-Jewish Network! It is good that you ae just enjoying your two heritages and not letting the bigots on either side get in your path. I’ll send you a private email with more information about the Half-Jewish Network.
Cordially,
Robin
Thank you for your support Robin. All of my life I have been in certain social situations on both sides of the fence which have made me rather self-conscious of my ethnicity. Now, as I become a wise and mature adult I am beginning to realize that half jews really have an advantage over pure breds on both sides. In most cases we have been able to be a part of both cultures intimately as blood family. We have been influenced over the years by relatives from both sides (in my case the sides were extremely opposite. I could sense tension between the in-laws on almost every occassional family get together). My mother might as well have a married a black man in 1950 in her father’s eyes. But even with the negatives it has given me a strong sense of humanity that I think many people do not possess.
By the way. There is a very interesting story behind how I became.( a half-jew). I will type it sometime if anyone is interested. It reads like a forbidden romance novel.
Hey everyone. I wrote a long, heartfelt personal story about 3 years back (I was the gay Jewish Polish Salvadoran who was confused as hell LOL). I’m touched by all the supportive replies I recieved. I’m still pretty confused, I think I always will be. But everyday I get to know myself better. An acquaintance of mine recently googled me and found my posting and thought it was a suicide note. It totally wasn’t. I was just really wanting some support from other people who knew where I was coming from, or at least could empathize. Thank you half Jewish network and everyone who replied. Feel free to Facebook me if you’d like, just let me know who you are as I don’t usually friend people unless I know them. Hope everyone had a happy Passover and Easter! -Will
Dear Steve and Will:
Steve: I understand about your interfaith parent’s courtship in the 1950′s being like a “forbidden romance novel.” My parent’s courtship had some of those elements.
Will: Glad to hear from you again! Glad you found us supportive years ago! Welcome back!
Cordially,
Robin
Dear Will:
I totally know where you are coming from and how you feel. Though society has quickly evolved multi-racially and half jewish is hardly an issue anymore I think that why you and I still feel conscious of it is because it had been ingrained in us at an early age through the societal standards of the era. It would be a lie if I told you that it doesn’t cross my mind. It is who and what I am. I have to be conscious of that everyday. Nice to find someone else who echos my feelings and thoughts about being a mix. Just get beyond it and concern yourself with surviving in a crumbling economy which is much tougher than being half jewish. Good Luck my friend.- Steve
To All…
The Big Question! “Why do we feel like this?”.
—half- baked
We should be whole.
Dear Steve: I think half-Jewish is not a big issue with mainstream society any more — not among Christians I have dealt with — but it is still a big issue within the Jewish community, ironically.
The wholeness question is something each of us wrestles with him or herself, I think. No “one size fits all” solution.
Cordially,
Robin
Dear Robin: What I am trying to say is that through progressive intermarriage between Jews and non-Jews 20 to 30 years from now the half Jews will become a majoriy over the pure Jews. Maybe it is time for us to lay down the groundwork and establish an identity all our own. That is what I meant about wholeness. Haven’t other cultures succeeded at this over the milleniums? This board is a useful vehicle to relate to each other as we would in our own community of half Jews.
To begin a new identity I think we need a new label instead of half Jewish. But it must epitomize us as a particular group of people. I hope all of you members post some insightful ideas on this topic. I think it is a very important option we should consider. This will make us special. Please think about it. Thanks, Steve
Dear Steve: Like you I think half-Jewish people may become the majority of Jews in America — I estimate by the year 2040. I believe that they will identify as Jews, just as half-Jewish people absorbed into American Christianity identify as Christians.
However — the idea of an identity all our own — may not be doable. Some group members identify as “real Jews” or “real Christians” and do not view themselves as having a “Christian” or “Other Culture” half.
Others view themselves as “both,” “Jewish with a Christian half,” “Christian with a Jewish half,” “nothing,” or members of other cultures or faiths entirely. A common term that all of us can agree on is very unlikely. Even the use of the term “half-Jewish” is strongly disputed by some children of intermarriage.
Now there appears to be a “metis” culture in Canada of people descended from Native American/White marriages and relationships and they have land of their own and legal recognition.
The only reason the metis of Canada achieved legal recognition, in my opinion, was because they were part of a history that included indigenous people with land and traditional customs. Half-Jewish people have no land. We live everywhere. And we come from many different cultures.
Half-Jewish people are a huge spectrum of backgrounds, faiths, no-faiths, social classes, etc. We have some things in common — a Jewish parent or grandparent or great-grandparent — difficulties within the Jewish and other faith-based communities — struggles with our dual and triple heritages — problems within our interfaith and interracial families — that have brought us to this message board — but that is not enough for us to become a culture of own own in my opinion.
I correspond with half-Jewish people in Europe — they have their own half-Jewish organization because there are factors in their lives — such as the shadow of the Holocaust — more anti-Semitism in their countries than in America — that American half-Jewish people simply don’t experience. They felt an American organization couldn’t meet their needs.
Despite shared European Jewish and white Christian ancestry that I shared with them — and my intensive scholarly study of European Jewish and Christian history — there were cultural and societal differences between us that I couldn’t bridge. We’re allies, but they would likely reject the idea that half-Jewish people form one culture.
If you visit American websites for biracial and multiracial people, you will see the same difficulties. You might visit Swirl:
http://www.swirlinc.org/
Cordially,
Robin
Dear Robin,
I am not trying to be a rabble rouser. I am just expressing the thoughts and attitudes that I have developed over the years regarding my ethnicity. I have come to the conclusion of wholeness and establishing a commom identity . No matter where you live in the world or what the area’s social history has laid upon you there must be a worldwide common bond between us.
Robin, if you would prefer I left this board please let me know.
Sincerely, Steve
One last thing Robin… The only idea that splits the phrase JudeoChristianity is…………….The Messiah! Steve
Dear Steve: You may have misread me. I’m just pointing out what I see from researching half-Jewish people, not asking you to leave the board.
I hope someday to have a Half-Jewish Network national gathering in the U.S. where many of us could meet each other. I think we all have some things in common, but not enough to form a culture of of own. But this is just my opinion.
Cordially,
Robin
Dear Robin,
I’m sorry I came off too strong but I have strong feelings about being half jewish which I have pretty much pent up until I discovered this board. Too much too soon I guess. I’ll calm down. I promise.
I would like to see a national gathering materialize. If you need any help on that let me know. I have connections for holding a gathering. Your friend Steve
Dear Steve: Believe me, I understand. Many of us have few people to talk to about our feelings on being half-Jewish and almost no one to test our theories and ideas on until we find a half-Jewish group like this one.
I appreciate your offer of help for a national gathering. Perhaps within the next decade it will be possible. If you are subscribed to our email newsletter, you would hear about any initial planning stages or calls for ideas, and I would welcome your help at that time.
Ideally, it would be done in coalition with other half-Jewish groups that exist. But it is several years down the road.
Cordially,
Robin
Robin we could turn this gathering into a vaca for our bretheren. Site it in the Carribean.. Depending on the local concentration of members going maybe charter a plane to make it affordable. If we work on this I think 2 or 3 years. A pleasant site would be conducive to heartfelt conversation between us. Also would you please subscribe me to your e-mail newsletter. Thank you.
Steve
Dear Steve:
You can subscribe to our free monthly email newsletter by going to the upper right and corner of this web page, where it says, “Email subscription” and click on the “Sign me up!” link.
You will then be asked to input your email address, and then to reply to an email sent to you that will ask you to confirm that you want to subscribe.
Then you are a subscriber. I can’t personally subscribe you, because WordPress software requires that individuals do it. This is to prevent spamming.
Regarding a conference, I would like to see at least 500 people subscribed to our email newsletter — maybe 1,000 — before we undertake that project. Right now we have 94 subscribers, who have signed up since we activated this new website last July.
(There were more on our old website, but we had to give that website up because it was technologically way behind the times. So we are rebuilding our subscribers.)
Since internet subscriptions generally increase in rate — they tend to jump once a critical point is reached — I am assuming that we will have enough subscribers for a conference within five years.
Cordially,
Robin
can anyone please tell me if there are any records kept when you convert to judaism. my grandmother converted in the early 1900′s and we are trying to find a copy of the certificate but don’t know where to start. thanks pam.
Dear Pam: I’m assuming your inquiry is about a grandmother who converted to Judaism? So this advice is given from that perspective. If your grandmother converted to Christianity or another faith, please let me know, and additional advice can be given.
You may wish to contact the synagogue where she converted — they may still have records. If her rabbi left his papers to a library or college research center or a Jewish archive, you might find her conversion listed among his other activities in those papers. He might have left a diary of his daily activities as a rabbi.
You can also go to the cemetery where she was buried, if you know it, and take a photo of her tombstone, which should have some Hebrew on it or other indications that she converted to Judaism. If she was buried in a Jewish cemetery, she would like have had to convert first in that era.
If you have inherited any family Bibles, it might be mentioned in the family records section. Also look for references to her conversion in family diaries and letters. Review any surviving photo albums for pictures of her in Jewish contexts.
If she had a conversion certificate of some type, it might be stored with other family papers. Have your relatives search all collections of family papers.
If all else fails, write down every family member’s recollections on this subject in a computer file or on a piece of paper, and see if the assembled recollections contain any clues to more information.
You can also contact any major Jewish organizations that she might have joined and ask if she is listed in their records as a donor or member.
Best of luck on your search!
Cordially,
Robin
Dear Robin, Thank you so much for your reply, unfortunately we don’t know which synagogue my grandmother attended. We do know where she is buried, hopefully we might find some information on the tombstone, we really need to know if the conversion took place before my mother was born. Thank you again. Pam
Dear Pam: Glad to be of use! Once you have the tombstone information that may lead you to additional information. Good luck on your search!
Cordially,
Robin
Hi Robin,
which half-Jewish organizations in Europe did you refer to?
There seems to be a lot more going on in the US. Also with regard to liberal synagogues that accept patrilineal descent.
Unfortunately, we don’t even have anything like Humanistic Judaism. I’m secular and I’d really like to meet other people and to learn more about Judaism. But here, most organizations are religious (and they don’t regard me as Jewish).
Dear Lu:
The half-Jewish organization in Europe is Doppel Halb (Double Half): They are in Germany and have a website in German and English.
http://www.doppelhalb.de/english.html
They are having a conference soon. If you attend it, you could meet other patrilineal Jews.
If you would like to contact Humanistic Jews in Europe, you may wish to contact their US umbrella organization:
http://www.shj.org/CongList.htm
The US Humanistic Jews used to have some European havurahs (study, socializing, prayer/meditation) groups. Those groups may be independent of them now, and their former US headquarters could put you in touch with them.
If you would like to become a contact person for the Humanistic Jews in Europe, I’m sure their American branch would be delighted to hear from you.
We are aware that many European Jewish groups don’t regard patrilineals as Jewish or having any claim to Jewish identity. We have written letters to the editor to British newspapers and magazines when the issue comes up, protesting negative comments by Jewish groups.
We also spend a lot of time leaving protests in Israeli Jewish newspapers against comments that speak negatively of half-Jewish people.
In other European countries we face a language barrier, but if you see an article and would like us to protest it, please send it to me.
Cordially,
Robin